Guayaki vs. Coffee: Upgrade Your Morning Buzz

As writers on the FX comedy It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, we rely heavily on quick wits, fast punch lines, and sharp commentary.

Oftentimes it can be hard to stay focused and keep up.  In fact, we learned long ago that we couldn’t possibly maintain such a breakneck pace without a little help.

In the golden days of Hollywood, this was no problem. The town imported a wonderful Colombian plant by the boat load. It gave you tons of energy, confidence, and there are no studies to confirm this, but we’re quite certain a better sense of humor, as well.

Unfortunately, the more you used it, the higher your tolerance became and soon you were constantly craving more. At first, it was just a part of your morning routine. A little something to get the engine running. But after a few weeks you were excusing yourself every hour, telling friends and co-workers that you “just need a little taste for a pick-me-up.” And that’s when the side effects became acute and devastating: irritability, mood swings, crippling depression as you came down. And let’s not even talk about what it does to your bowels.

But frankly, we never did care much for coffee.  The high acidity, heavy sugar consumption, and daily come-down became more trouble than it was worth. A change was in order. We needed something natural and organic that could provide long lasting energy without the inevitable crash.  “Impossible,” you exclaim?  We say, “Quiet, fool!  Kneel and look upon the glory that is yerba mate!”

Guayaki is a sensational brand of yerba mate, which comes from leaves in the South American rainforest that are loaded with vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, and antioxidants.  It really is a miracle plant.  It comes in bottles, cans, loose leaf tea, little shots, even gourds!

There are also an extensive variety of delicious Guayaki yerba mate flavors, our personal favorite being “Unsweetened”, which contains a lean 30 calories per bottle, yet enough natural caffeine to make your heart tap dance in your chest.  And we mean that in a good way.  No more drinking several cups of coffee a day; constantly chasing the dragon after the initial morning burst wears off.  One bottle of Guayaki is all you need to be laser-focused.  And did we mention there’s no comedown or unwanted side effects? Okay, so maybe it kind of tastes like puddle water, but we’ll bet you that puddle is packed with more nutrients than every fruit and vegetable combined. We may not have any science to support this claim, but what we do have is tons of natural energy and focus. Plus, we have yet to be fired from our jobs, so… end of discussion.

Honestly, at this point what possible reason could you have for maintaining your coffee routine?  I suppose if you enjoy having stained teeth, rotten breath, and the kind of bowel activity that would shock most large animals, then by all means, keep doing what you’re doing.

The rest of you, raise a bottle to the heavens, take a satisfying sip, and say it with us: “Guayaki.”